It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
