Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
