my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
