It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
