I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
