At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
