we have officially lost it.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
