I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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