His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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