You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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