What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
