I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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