I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
