oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
