We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
