i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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