Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
