Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
