and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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