I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
