he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
