Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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