so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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