fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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