We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
