Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
