What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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