Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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