Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
