I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
