i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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