On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
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If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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