Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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