Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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