sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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