Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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