his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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