I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
this is an emotional support booty call
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
