hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
