we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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