I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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