My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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