The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
