Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
