Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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