Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
