like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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