I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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