drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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