I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
