I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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