Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
