I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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