I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
