I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
