Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
