So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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