how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
