Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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