zippers are such a cool invention
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
