I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
