Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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