So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
