I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
