he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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