You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
