I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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