I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
