don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
