I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
