so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
