i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
