Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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