help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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