I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
