I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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