drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
