i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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