Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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